I feel so impassioned, or ex-passioned, that I feel the need to write it out. I feel sian, which is the opposite of fervour, but feel it enough to need this. I feel like sleeping it off but I know I had 8hrs of sleep already, and feel alert enough (though a bit lethargic as if I were in a very relaxed state), and I have to prepare for my presentation on Monday morning. Ah.

I had my phone interview with Singapore Tourism Board for its Management Associate Programme this morning. I didn�t do well; I am glum not because I can�t get a job I want, but because I didn�t do my best and clearly could have done better. I can only blame myself because I did not prepare enough for the interview. I should have written out short paragraph to the simple questions of �tell me about yourself� and �tell me something interesting about yourself� and �what you want to do in our organization�. GAH. :(

That was where I flopped most badly. I couldn�t tell her anything else interesting other than fencing. Definitely I am more interesting than that! I forgot to tell her that I love travelling! I could also have told her about my organization skills. My admin skills are sweet; everything will be made gao gao if I am in charge. [Kean wanted to sabo me and tell the HR2002 teacher that I should be part of the admin instead of the note-making group because �everything will be gao gao�. Even Kean who I haven�t worked with before on projects formally knows this. But I didn�t volunteer for it because I rather these people have a chance to learn organisation skills. I think, if I made notes, I can set a standard for the notes, because from my first guess at the people in my class, I do think some of them are too cheena, that they would just copy out and paste every 2nd sentence in the readings and put it in bullet form and memorise everything, instead of value-adding by showing the gist of that section, drawing diagrams, etc. or you would just get bad English ,which can be a pain to read.]

I know I am more interesting than how I came across that interview. I didn�t tell them of all the places I went, and so on. I was just describing my time on exchange in Germany, INSIDE Germany, before the interviewer moved on to the next question, before I could share about my travels, which I desired to share about�

You know, I don�t know how the interviewer would have an impression of me after this interview. I mean, 15 mins, not even face to face, how can you tell? How would you know me? If you met me over in a caf� and listen to my stories, you�d have a totally different impression.

Maybe God rigged it such that I would fail this interview. Maybe it is a sign that I am not meant to be here. It is a painful lesson and a huge opportunity cost/lost, and it is making me feel like a failure now, something I haven�t felt so strongly in a long time (I still feel it whenever I fence badly in training but it is usually never this strong).

Time to suck it up and get back to work. I got to go back to NUS soon for a meeting. For 1 hour only. Gah.