I forgot to add onto the last entry. Monday was EG1108 lab. Super cold. I froze off my fingertips; they went numb. Had to blow my nose. Even after I put on my jacket and went to lecture after that (i must mention that unfortunately, the lecture theatre was air-conditioned and it was raining), but even then, my body was still so cold that I think as I would like to describe it as having happened to me on other occasions, there was still a pocket of cold air around me. brr. I learned well and wore a jacket to today's lab. (yes, because of the Deepavali holiday, I won't be having lab straight all the way, just that one week I won't have lab. phew!) Somehow, P and I always manage to finish the lab before the time was up, and the others hand in theirs later after doing/finishing it up. (I found out today that that was because they spent time perfecting their graphs. They aren't asking for perfect graphs, so it's not necessary. And, on a side note, if I were going to put more effort into the graphs, I would bring my curve rule, french curves and long rule, the whole set in other words.) I've been drawing freehand all for these 2 labs so far. Physics no need to draw (heng) and can use laptop (yes! less messy handwriting!)

I recently been thinking. Why am I in this course, why am I in this CCA? I know my course is a good course, very reputable professors and department, very respected by other countries. We have the IMarEST president! and Andrew Palmer, famous in the scene for anything arctic. But, why is this course, treated like the student's engineering dumping ground for rejects? It's just not as glamorous as chemical or in the "forefront" as bioengineering (mine is a lot in the forefront too. But all engineerings are in the forefront because the whole idea of engineering is innovation.) Nor as money-making as electrical and mechanical (mechanical is so general that they can be employed nearly everywhere, and hence there isn't enough of them [according to my father, a mechanical engineer]) But then, we still got that big pool of common engin students to woo, no? but I think quite a number of them have settled to some idea of where they want to be, and I don't think civil is very popular.

A lot of people misinterpret civil as just building construction, or don't know what it is at all. It's true quite a lot of work we do is involving construction. But there are so many things you don't know. Civil engineers are also involved in planning of urban areas (together with the real estate people i guess. NOTE: REAL ESTATE students are NOT real estate AGENTS. very very HIGHLY GROSSLY different. they study urban planning and land use, and probably will value your house for the bank, or grant you your very important TOP for that new house.), to make sure that there's adequate water and transportation services, improving the quality of life DIRECTLY, especially so true for developing countries, if you learned in human geography or social studies. And they are also involved in approvals of building plans, making sure they are safe, so your future safety is in their hands (Lee Bee Wah's job outside of MP.)

Why argue. I know you know by now from hearing me. But I guess, it's because the respect and, prestige, of this course amongst the local community isn't there, which is why I feel that it's the "wrong" place for me, that I, who did much better than my peers here save a few special cases, and yet chose to come here, and others were rejected from other places and hence came here. But i think, there are some here who know what civil engineering is really about and hence they choose to be here.

But then, here's another point. I don't see myself working in this kind of a job anymore - or actually I can't imagine myself working at all in any job. I'm more concerned in touching the lives of people around me now. And I've never ever had any passion, or strong obsessions. Only the passing craze once in a while. So I don't have a favourite activity, no favourite food or cuisine, no hobbies, nothing except interests, preferences if you want to put it in other words. I am trying to and will not put anything before God, as with the first of the Ten Commandments: You shall have no other gods before me. These "gods" do not necessarily mean other religions, but anything that you give more energy, effort, time, attention, and most importantly, IMPORTANCE too. Like, work (working to meet all deadlines, and just do work, working to get that A or high score), computer games, tv shows, mandopop idols, whatever you can think of. I will not let my life be controlled by anything; I have a brain and I am able to control myself!

I also thought, why am I in this CCA and not others? just a passing thought, but what if, hmm, God is putting me here to meet these people? I'm slowly trying to find a niche, a group of friends, somewhere where I can say I belong. In school, it used to be our classes (I love you 06S03! I love you 3e2/4e2! and I always will! [I'm sure you remember what I have done for you all.], and lets not forget my lunch buddies in secondary school, who quite a number not from my class: Amanda, amanda's friend, Rebekah, Lim Yu Wen, Lee Wei Ru, Cicilia, Elianna, Shelby, Saraswathi (and a bit of Fensta for a short period of time). We were "society's rejects"? no, just quiet people, who did not need to chase some "in" thing. These people saw me as I am. And Jessica Tomato(not her name duh) and so many others. I love you (go look at Whistle Down The Wind 's lyrics).

But now, where's this niche? It's been two and a half months since I've been here. On different days I have different people to eat with. My class isn't really bonded, but thank God I have friends here and there :). CCA, I'm making friends :) no hurry no hurry. I think I'm just hoping for the niche to be formed soon, somewhere to call my own.

The work and sociology in pri, sec and JC schools were so easy. Sometimes I just envy/tinge with de javu/if only/i miss those days - it was good then, you know what I mean. And now, it's no longer my own to call.

Another thought: Why am I here in Singapore, why not London? I'm enamoured/enchanted by the prospect of living in the home of the English, British culture that I have been brought up a bit on because of my parents' and grandparent's history (another long story), where tea is preferred over coffee, where I can speak my British accent without feeling out of place, THEATRELAND!, culture, energy, some of the TOP 10 universities in the world! gateway to exploring English countryside and cities, and if I save up more $$ (because I wouldn't be on continental Europe), I can explore Europe, which a lot of students do. Ahh... seeing photos from my friends who are in England, knowing that they are there, and I am not, and seeing the photos of a senior who went on SEP to Denmark (and visited a LOT of places within the 5 months he was there), ahh Europe, and the "free-spirited-ness" (but alas, less $$ and we have the obligation to do homework, and I will not waste my parent's money). So arranging my SEP to Imperial is really attractive, though the Joint Degree Program to Melbourne Uni has more returns. Ow. how? On the local front, if I don't go abroad, staying in hall (I'm saving up points now) would be really convenient but let's face it, the experience is just not the same, it's quite a watered down version, no? And university town, something promising, but probably wouldn't be around in time. Let's just pray and see where God wants me to do.

These are just some passing thoughts I had in these past few days.

edit on 24th October 2008, 10.40pm

On the note on being in CE. Why not ME? It's more general and I can go into a lot more "fun" stuff. Well, CE has a lot of MechE involved, and MechE would have a lot of emphasis on dynamics. It's not what course it is, err... Aiyah, I'll be staying where I am because I don't have any idea where else to go. But here's the main point I want to blog on now: I'm bad at physics (*gasp*). Dynamics to be in particular, and I have never been good at it anyway. It's the weakest topic for me. And I couldn't do majority of the tutorial questions again. I hope I won't do badly for physics, I really don't. I want good grades. But I can't "see" things, and hence get something wrong. Lecturer says we will do well if we "apply sound physics". Since I failed, and am below-average I must be quite dumb. I'm still as un-talented/yet-to-be-talented as before. And I'm bad at my CCA too. Status quo maintained.

But take heart. I'll just take refuge/blissful ignorant belief in what someone said:

Awesomeness runs in the family!

More stories and thoughts next time.